I am finding navigating the differences between friendship and business relationships increasingly difficult as I age and my professional standing grows. I need to make friends. I don't have enough and it's been too long. I think it's great to have friends who enjoy what you enjoy. Audio engineers and musicians tend to be the people I vibe with.

But I find a natural conflict that I am an independent record label and studio owner. For example, the people that I like are people who fit into what I am doing. I think of growing up in suburbia and the friendships that occurred between neighbor parents and children because everybody was in the same situation in life. Naturally I'd like these musicians around to play drums, track together, pick each other's brains, etc. For most of these folks in music, I probably make considerable money, and they are struggling to get by. It feels like there's an increased sensitivity, from the side of of my acquaintances, who are weary of working for free. That makes sense to me, as priorities change when one needs to eat. I am simply not in the same situation as they are.

Then there's the weirdness of hiring a helping hand but becoming friends. I can't really stop paying them after that! "Hey, great work last week... but we're friends now, so come on down and eat my slowcooking and track with me, but I won't be paying you, sound good?" If the old adage applies: don't mix friends and business, then it seems like my position (better stated as sacrifice) as a studio owner means my friendships will necessarily have to come outside my industry. But it seems like the best friends are the ones who are doing the same thing as you in life. And to give a sad and pithy comment on life, it seems all the well-to-do people (like me) can hire anybody they want and accomplish whatever they imagine, but they are lonely. And then the other half of the coin is the struggling people (like the many musicians who I am interested in spending time with) always worry about their next gig but have wide social networks with lots of buddies and plenty of symbiotic jam partners. Getting both seems rare and possibly paradoxical.

I have OCD and relationship difficulties in my past, so this is not easy for me. This is turning into an Sarte or Camus novel! Am I supposed to just hire all my industry connections and give up on friendships and find them elsewhere? I feel I'm always walking a tight rope between business and friendship, and I am doomed to be eternally conflicted and unpeaceful about it.

Me vs Them
Lots of money no friends vs no money lots of friends
Ample free time for careless wandering vs constantly worried about next pay
Interested in creativity for creativity's sake vs need for commercial success and belonging in "the scene"
Wants friendship vs wants gig
Open to any outcome that appears vs needs exact outcome with rigid deadline

I am trying not to be a snob! I don't see myself as better (or worse) than anybody. I am just struggling with the realization of how much somebody' life circumstance affects what they do, how they think, and who they are. That has negatives and positives on both sides of the fence. It just hurts to stand on my side and look over the fence and see the separation.

Does this post resonate with anybody else? Have you gone through something like this? Am I being a snob? Has anybody come out the other side and have wisdom to offer?

I thought I might write something back as you seem to have thought about this a lot.

Yes- you are going to meet people who want stuff. This probably happens to everyone
Yes -you are going to meet people who don't want to work for things and might see you as a shortcut
Yes - there are probably people who will envy what you have (or what they think you have)

The thing about life is you never know who you might meet, how, when or even why. Being open to possibilities is probably a good thing. Being naive is potentially dangerous. How would you find someone like yourself? Where would you find them? These are tricky questions. When you're out doing your thing and making a living are there other people doing as you do that might fit what you're hoping for?

Some rather profound things you asking here.

I have had some really good people work for me, as well as others that aren't so much. It's hard to pick. Even if you are the boss, it's hard to say what might happen. There are some people who used to work for me who see me as someone who did them right. I feel humbled when someone says 'you showed me the right things todo and I have never forgotten xyz'. Someone who learns and grows - with the right attitude might end up being your forever friend in the future. I've been called 'uncle' on a few occasions by people from my past and it makes me laugh... I have been surprised at how giving some of my ex colleagues have been in some cases. If I had been too distant and lacking in humanity I doubt I would have these experiences. Being the boss doesn't mean you have to give up being human.

I'd probably avoid talking about money or wealth. In the past I've spent some time with people whom I had no idea how wealthy they were. But I didn't care and it didn't matter anyway. I didn't want their money. Perhaps if you collect aeroplanes or sportscars these things might become more relevant. If you live in a mansion and expect to down gallons of fancy wine with your friends at a castle party for 10k/night it might be less likely if your friends are middle income earners. If you have a $20k guitar it's probably best not to yell out about that upfront either

Hobbies are a great thing to have. If you can find others interested in your things online and in real life they can open some doors for you. If you're musical then there are ways to go find other musicians here and there. I've known some people who opened some doors in the theatre just by going to the show and chatting with some people in the foyer afterwards. They weren't necessarily fishing for anything either. But I would say they were more compatible with some of the people who were there than say if they hung out at McDonalds.

I know a few personalities who would talk to anyone or indeed anything and have come away with new friends without really trying. Whether this is luck sometimes or their outgoing nature I'm not always sure. Whether these are often meaningful relationships...hard to say.

I would suggest finding an activity of some kind - starting small and being open to some possibilities.

It looks to me like you have some ideas about what you don't want and won't accept. Flip those things around for yourself and get inverted more positive answers.

The hardest thing to do tends to be to start something. Failing is fine. Not every relationship works out. You can go places and not meet anyone you like. That's OK. Heck there's even a remote possibility you might even be able to find some friendly people on here. I have heard it's possible

Stratman

If I was in your position I would have to ask myself how I created this situation. (What is my role in it? What did I want from this current situation?) As well as 'Do I really have any 'real' friends right now?

You don't have to be cut an dry about your situation also. People are people with so many varying motives - some obvious and some not seen.

How many of these people would help you at the drop of a hat at 3 am if you were homeless and broke? These are/should your true friends. It is cool you are asking this because most who have made money are not that vulnerable and you are. I suspect you are the same with people around your studio. $, fame and potential dream makers attract the masses for obvious reasons.

There are numerous ways to change your current situation and quite quickly if wanted. But that may not solve what you are really asking for. The sun will come up tomorrow regardless if you are at the studio or far away. Harrison said "If you don't know where you are going; any road'll get you there."

So may I ask?... where do you want to go?

Why most men don’t have enough close friends

You don’t need any friends. Get a sports car instead.

have lost quite a few friends over the years, often people just naturally move away, people get married, have kids and have selfish careers and don't share that luck or wealth with anyone, life happens, you get old less physically able and less tolerant of lies and gossip as time goes on, you will meet a lot of time wasters in life and rarely the odd good person.

Some people came to my place that often that a friendship was built. They know that i contribute in a way no hobbyist could and i have to live off something. So if i should keep on doing this i am required to earn money. These people have no problem with being my friend and paying me. See it like a fire: if it burns, you need to throw in a piece of wood now and then. You stop, the fire stops and it won't warm you. I am the fire. They want warmth. We can be friends, but the fire needs wood. Act accordingly.
Those who do not want to pay you have to do it themselves or seek hobbyists. Fine with me and we still can be friends. We just do not spend much time working together.

Interesting, I've been thinking some of the same thoughts about friendships. I work in film, and I definitely have a few people around me who only want to talk to me about their "projects." I find it frankly boring. I also find myself utterly boring to others when I discuss my projects. Some days the only things on my mind are work related things, so luckily my wife is in the same profession and can understand what I'm doing/dealing with, but other people just cannot.
Music has become my hobby and I try to relate to people on the level of that. I also read a lot and pay attention to tech news/science and listen to podcasts, etc. so I have plenty of topics to touch on for conversations. I try to veer away from film industry talk. I also feel like I need to take up another physical activity to engage in with others. I'll figure that out this year I guess...
BUT it is hard to make friends outside of work because it takes time and energy and I don't have a lot of either most days. I found myself at a dinner party a few nights ago and didn't know 7 of the 10 people there. I was exhausted and emotional when I went, but I ended up having so much fun talking to them about themselves and what they do. We talked about films, but not my projects. Thankfully.

This isn't applicable to most, but I did move from LA to the high desert to a cluster of small towns. This has helped immensely. All the film people in LA only associate with other film people, it's obnoxious. Most in the desert left LA and are artists and musicians of various disciplines so we all get each other, but never have to work together. I don't know how you'd replicate that. But I think having hobbies and interests beyond work would be the biggest help there.
Most people in "creative industries" are desperate. Hell, sometimes I am too, but it's important to get out of it too sometimes because it'll eat you up if you allow it. If you're lucky enough to have success you have a better chance to make that choice. Unfortunately, I have film friends I no longer even get a reply to a text from because they only associate with people they work with at that moment.
Just a reality I guess we have to deal with.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

I hear you ~ I went from the NYC film scene (UGH) to indie and SF etc. Yet never went to Hollywood ever. It felt it so draggy. Most every time I worked with 'Hollywood' people away from Hollywood they tended to try to have an 'over' presence on set and away from set. I was such a good self taught DP er - they felt me very intimidating (RLOL) I reveled behind their back (in my own ego) when they asked something like 'who the heck could be a DP without a light meter?' RLOL sometimes self study can raise you above so-called experts. The experiences were priceless for sure. Man do I enjoy talking about non-creative industry stuff with creative industry people. It is so missing. In fact for me it is almost a prerequisite for me now a days. Intent/Clarity/Focus ~ oh yeah ~ fun to.

Yeah the Hollywood thing has become such a stereotype, but is unfortunately true for enough people to feel true. I would say there are more decent, hardworking normal people than monsters, they just don't pop up and show themselves the same way.
Most of the monsters work out of a place of fear, and a small percentage of the stereotypes are plain egotistical fools who fell ass-backwards into it (or had connections). I generally find writers to be the most normal. There are definitely some who get a little recognition and it goes to their heads, but most just have to grind it out; there isn't a lot of room for ego as a writer, or you won't last long. I enjoy talking story and process with writers for sure, but the job of being a producer is just boring to me and a lot of thankless crap. It bores me even as I talk about it...
This is why I'm on Gearspace and not film forums. I relate to musicians better in a lot of ways.