jokes - Page 2 - Gearspace.com
The No.1 Website for Pro Audio
Old 31st May 2003
Gear Nut
Diginerd's Avatar
🎧 15 years
I'm surprised no Sir Thomas Beecham quotes have turned up here yet..

So here to entertain

"The sound of the harpsichord is like two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a hailstorm"

"Madam, you have between your legs a wonderful instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is sit there and scratch it."

"Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away."

"In the first movement alone, I took note of six pregnancies and at least four miscarriages."
--on a performance of Bruckner's Seventh Symphony

"What can you do with it? It's like a lot of yaks jumping about."
--on Beethoven's Seventh Symphony

Sir Thomas Beecham was once asked if he had played any Stockhausen. "No," he replied, "but I have trodden in some."

"Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on."
--on an unidentified soprano in Die Walküre

"We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again."
--to a musician during a rehearsal

"I have just been all round the world and have formed a very poor opinion of it."

"There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between."

Sir Thomas Beecham, British conductor, warned his students never to glance at the trombones. "It will only encourage them", he said.

“If I were a dictator I should make it compulsory for every member of the population between the ages of four and eighty to listen to Morzart for at least a quarter of an hour daily for the coming five years.”

"On Ludwig van Beethoven: "Beethoven's last quartets were written by a deaf man and should only be listened to by a deaf man"

"Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory"

"A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it."
Old 31st May 2003
Lives for gear
DeadPoet's Avatar
1 Review written
🎧 15 years
This one happened for real:

The opera director crosses an alto singer in the hallway while she's doing her warming up exercises. "If you continue to practice like this, you're gonna be a soprano one day !"..
Old 31st May 2003
Lives for gear
jazzius's Avatar
🎧 15 years
Joke........DISCLAIMER.....if you're not English, you may not geddit!


A man walks into a bar.

As he passes the cigarette machine,
he hears it say, "you need to take a shower, you fat c*nt."

Astonished, he quickly walks on.........all of a sudden he hears a voice apparently coming from a nearby plate of
peanuts....... "May I just say how absolutely gorgeous you're looking tonite!"

The man turns to the bartender and asks for an explanation.

The bartender replies,

"The cigarette machine is out of
order but the nuts are complimentary."


old but not cold
Old 1st June 2003
Gear Head
JoHoozaFats...'s Avatar
🎧 15 years
how do u know a singer is at your door?

she knocks but dosen't know when to come in.
Old 1st June 2003
Gear Nut
Diginerd's Avatar
🎧 15 years
How do you know when you have a drummer at the door?

The knocking speeds up...
Old 2nd June 2003
Gear Nut
jagarinec's Avatar
🎧 15 years
you have to do a recording session with a trombonist, accordionist and banjo player. you´ve got a gun with only one shot. whom do you going to shoot first?

Old 2nd June 2003
Gear Nut
jagarinec's Avatar
🎧 15 years
Q: whereof do you reconize a blonde has send you a fax?

A: at the stamp
📝 Reply

Similar Threads

Thread / Thread Starter Replies / Views Last Post
replies: 197 views: 26874
Avatar for MarkyGoldstein
MarkyGoldstein 3rd January 2010
replies: 46 views: 6182
Avatar for ScumBum
ScumBum 8th March 2009
replies: 295 views: 72317
Avatar for anguswoodhead
anguswoodhead 26th March 2013
replies: 1296 views: 178415
Avatar for heraldo_jones
heraldo_jones 1st February 2016
Post Reply

Welcome to the Gearspace Pro Audio Community!

Registration benefits include:
  • The ability to reply to and create new discussions
  • Access to members-only giveaways & competitions
  • Interact with VIP industry experts in our guest Q&As
  • Access to members-only sub forum discussions
  • Access to members-only Chat Room
  • Get INSTANT ACCESS to the world's best private pro audio Classifieds for only USD $20/year
  • Promote your eBay auctions and Reverb.com listings for free
  • Remove this message!
You need an account to post a reply. Create a username and password below and an account will be created and your post entered.

Slide to join now Processing…

Forum Jump
Forum Jump