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Phase madness
Old 25th April 2003
BevvyB's Avatar
🎧 15 years
When I eat my Sploo I nearly turned left into South Kensington where the
excessively large cornflake consuming factory suddenly decided to reinvest
Euro's into a vary succulent type of apple which sounds loudly but whenever
fieldmice terminate grasshoppers using elasticated sputum compounds
disgustingly castrated by a humongous pair of yellow Buddha's, it coagulated
into blancmange -like magic liniment despite it's appalling smell which
occasionally reverberates across Scandinavia where Sven sometimes fumbles
around in his very special bag, producing a a a a excitingly repetitive pong
of crabapples Confusing Everyone who had thrown up globules containing tons
of carrots mixed unintentionally with Ulrika Pieces which stained rather
controversial spandex elephants which amused my loins during the architectural
revamp. of Hackney.

Professor love inaugurated in my last year of a long, hard, yet strangely
exciting course of hellishly puerile but heavenly, though tiring talks with
-out you strangely eating my piece of cake.

Never shove your transcript of President Carter's unstoppable sex machinations
anywhere other than down the welcoming toilet.

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why does n't the Minister without any idea
ask embarassing questions, despite his long, purple Limoscene flavoured stick
-like portfolio of pornography.

Sven suckled some little yet huge palpitating and chelonian lollipop lady -boy
whose geriatric handbag was snatched by aliens on drugs.

Lancashire hotpot tastes your cat and feels just delightfully lumpy custard.

I know very bad elephantine depression caused by darkened streets has not
lifted my spirits today, and soon the listless barium sulphate will diffuse in
my colourfully attired African yet strangely enough, Central Venusian
Television, demonstrating its relatively insignificant yet obscure and
frightening purple protrusion which can occasionally suddenly shudder causing
moistness which provaricates moistly along the M40, upsetting local badgers and
sleeping policemen.

Tongues slowly lick intimate parts of Mongolian ladys inner -most desires which
arouse the feeling of extreme nervousness, within Stang's upper left -hand
dorsal fin, allowing entry which implicates innocent (although not in quite the
same unobtrusive fashion which unavoidably yet unnecessarily seconded by
a seconder) young of Gloucester.

Thousands, nay nay!
Old 25th April 2003
Lives for gear
🎧 15 years
Bevvy, normally I don't even like you, but you've struck a chord with me, especially with this passage, much of which I was disturibingly able to relate to:

"I know very bad elephantine depression caused by darkened streets has not lifted my spirits today, and soon the listless barium sulphate will diffuse in my colourfully attired African yet strangely enough, Central Venusian Television, demonstrating its relatively insignificant yet obscure and frightening purple protrusion which can occasionally suddenly shudder causing
moistness which provaricates moistly along the M40, upsetting local badgers and sleeping policemen."

I can always breath a deep sigh of relief in knowing that I'm not the only one who isn't afraid to explore the boundless, grey-mattered confines of a seemingly lost mind, be it my own or someone else's.

Did you see/read Naked Lunch? I do a scary good impression of Mr. Burroughs. This thread smells like that movie after Jabba the Hut has visited a closed stall.

One other thought. Your writing (if it is of your birth) reminds me a little of David Bowie's songwriting method: cutting words out of various magazines and other texts and combining them in a way that comes the closest to making sense (which for his purposes, usually meant something that could be sold at large). By the looks of it, you had a cooking mag around, plus the local newspaper, a Scandanavian travel guide, and some pornography involving marine life.

Although I find this strangely threapeutic, I don't expect anyone to respond. heh (beam me up from these coordinates)

p.s. to Bev - Just reread this.. don't take it as a slam cos it sort of reads back that way, I actually really liked your writing
Old 25th April 2003
Lives for gear
littledog's Avatar
🎧 15 years
Bevvy, you should publish.

Stop wasting your time casting those pearls at us swine.
Old 25th April 2003
Lives for gear
David R.'s Avatar
🎧 15 years
For those who need a translation of what Bevvy wrote (I for one sure do), I took the liberty of transfering the text to japanese and back, to see if it might claify a few key points.

Hope this helps:

When me eating my Sploo which I almost the remainder turn to the south Kensington, when the fieldmice ends, and the factory of consumption of the excessively large cone flake you sound loudly we have decided re-to invest Europe on the apple of the type where the moisture of abrupt change is many with anytime, but, use of the ƒoƒbƒ^ the blend of the á‚ which is emasculated by the Buddha disgustingly humongous group yellow solidifies in the elasticated blancmange and in that very special sack of fumble of the occasionally Sven where appalling smell is and - in spite to that like the application medicine of magic... crosses Scandinavia and the time the time echoes, The excitingly repetitive pong of the crabapples which confuses everyone during the construction which pollutes the spandex elephant which becomes the mark of the some dispute which was thrown on the drop which includes the part of the Ulrika which is created and the ton of carrot which is mixed into non consciousness remodel my hip which was made to enjoy. Hackney. The Hellishly puerile it is long, eagerly, however, but but strangely you become tired in my last year of exciting course as for inaugurated professor love the heavenly, with you speak, - from you who eat my part of the cake strangely.... Never, the Carter's your copy of the unstoppable characteristic machinations of the president other than the washroom of welcome anywhere does not have to be pushed. The minister of state who does not have thought why it does the N't, Ohio state why Ohio state why Ohio state why Ohio state why Ohio state that is long, in spite even in the stick which can acquire flavor with the Limoscene of purple it asks embarassing, why - like the securities of the pornography.... However the Sven the woman of the enormous palpitating and the chelonian lollipop - the boy... a little it was robbed the suckled geriatric handbag by the foreigner of the medicine. The hotpot of the Lancashire tastes your cat, exactly the custard which has the delightfully lump feels. For very as made dark, by is brought bad elephantine depression today to raise my mind, however eventually the sulfate of the listless barium with me colourfully attired Africa, being sufficiently strangely, relatively trivial, however the central television of the Venusian which shows the projection of ambiguous purple which should be surprised as for me having known spreading, to tremble suddenly, the time the moistness which the time it is possible with the M40, inversion ƒ??[ƒJƒ‹ƒAƒiƒOƒ} which is brought and the high moisture where parallels to the Officer of sleep the provaricates. As for tongue slow the intimate part of the internal Mongolian ladys, - feeling most craving extreme nervousness inside the left of top of the Stang is made to awaken, however inevitably it is related the falsehood where - it transfers and licks the rear fin, permits entry item (considerably with the same it is not unobtrusive method. with being supported unnecessarily. Young person of seconder of gloucester. Large quantity namely nay nay!
Old 25th April 2003
Lives for gear
David R.'s Avatar
🎧 15 years
Because I had so much success with that, I figured the original post must be translated as well.

After going to Chinese and back, then to French (freedom) and to German and back, this is what I came up with.

Now we should all be able to understand how Roland writes manuals.

I are, as soon as with the whole technical outta BD groove I there von Zeit will think are are now lucky and the normal drum, because and and so on me made such a fact the latleyrille, to convert without counting that all mixo RH (in the connection) on the basis the genuine work of nobody of blow on this stress. So the stage improvement is possible attempts on to receive to me around the possible machine of the drum of genuine kit noise. Abkuehlendes..good a mic and places itself the hall.
Old 27th April 2003
Gear Maniac
Cape's Avatar
🎧 15 years
I've been hiding away from this forum, a bit scared i came across as a knob (I DID LOOK LIKE A WINNER...not).

Yes I was a cock head, but even though I swigged some beer never means what I say is plop. (i think it was kinda on this outing)

If it works for the ear, or it's crazy but cool do it....YA...OLLLL'

At this moment Fletch says absolutley!!

I don't dis anyones knowledge, but is there not a case to be said for this world of audio ,

Love you all, you provide good info, but aint it funny that most is developed on the job and really we all waste each others time every now and then talking about what valve we've got in our lamp.


(this message has been edited, the man responsible was once again under the influence)
Old 27th April 2003
Lives for gear
littledog's Avatar
🎧 15 years
If they ever do yet another remake of Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, I nominate Cape for the lead role... Seems he's even discovered the elixir!
Old 27th April 2003
Lives for gear
pounce's Avatar
🎧 15 years
i dont' know if little labs makes an IBS (in between sober) box, but the bar down the street has the same effect and i'm definately too near the sober side right now. anyhow, i hear that there is a cure for sobriety.

i'm still embarassed by an email i sent to some friends after getting pissed to the gills, so i'll avoid the puter for the night after guiness has it's way with me. same should go for our drummer minded original poster.

i say we let the original poster buy us all a round.

and anyone offended by this thread damn well won't like recpit. which is exactly why i _do_ like recpit.
Old 27th April 2003
BevvyB's Avatar
🎧 15 years
I'm here to help whispering fish in a dumb waiter - come large octave with an uptight bee hive couldn't sing.

Glad to be of internal combustion nape of the knee help.

Old 27th April 2003
BevvyB's Avatar
🎧 15 years
Haven't you guys heard of the game 'Mornington Crescent'? I suggest you do a search for it.
Old 27th April 2003
Lives for gear
Curve Dominant's Avatar
🎧 15 years
I flip my ass back at ya but rub it into the carpet discreetly because asstrays are where the asses belong, yo?

Beatbox bassdrum boom be fazing luxiouriously wit or wit out da help of da fletcher, although do peace be unto that cat allah willing, be it alsihad or otherwise...

Here in da filly it be foe in da moning an' da moning be on da trippin remixing tip, wit da quickness. Kan U dig it?? Yeah? Aiieat then let's get bock to the subjcekt of the phase issue: What was that we wuz discussing?

Oh, yeah: it wuz this: do the drums faze and iz it good? F&ck yeah.

Do the drums faze and yer ass should be so lucky if so, yo. Phase is cool, phase is deep, phase is color and streetwize authenticity.

Phase is the next big thing yo. Mark my word.

Think about that peeps: phase is life. WHere would the universeralness of life be without phase? There would be nuthin happenin yo. Every'ting in phases. No phases, no seasons, no life, no sex, no nuthin'. Do U see where that goes? AHH...aiight then.

U be trippin to e-liminate the faze...u wuld be good to laminate the faze to whatever the faze be happening in or to or with. Go forth and make faze ("phase" to U engineeringly inclined).

Phase be not your enemy...phase be your friend. Phase without morals, phase without judgement, cuz it is morals that kills us, not phase. Morals, and judgement. It iz judgement that kills us.

I wuz on a mission once, where we were to inoculate some sound engineers from phase issues by cleaning the pots of their EQ strips. Later, the studio manager came screaming, so we went back, and THEY had come, and amputated ALL of the EQ strips. There they were, a pile of little EQ strips. ANd I cried, like a baby...but then it hit me, like a bullet in my head, like a diamond bullet: if I had ten engineers like that, our troubles would be over.
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