i think it's been 2-3 weeks since i've even touched one of my synths, etc and it actually feels great. i got so much stuff in the past six months that it felt like i needed to be working on an album or something, like i needed to be using them all the time. finally they just feel like "instruments" that i can pick up any time i want, i don't feel pressured to be doing anything. somehow this now makes me feel like i can do "anything/everything" i want to. i'm actually thinking now about working with local singers/songwriters that might be looking to fill out their sound or do live shows. i don't know, we'll see.

i finally realized that i need to look at myself as a "musician/artist/producer" instead of trying to be a techno guy one week and hip-hop guy the next or whatever. i really can't NOT do this, not sure how to explain. it was bad enough before i started playing guitar, now that's a whole other direction that i'm always pulling myself towards. my influences are so broad that i've never even started on anything serious. always jumping from one style/idea to the next and never really having a clear goal. i think the answer for me is to have no goal at all, just work on music when i feel like it and see what happens.

maybe i'll start writing actual songs or something. who knows. ... a couple months ago i would have been updating this thread every day.