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Stupidest things you have ever heard during a session
Old 14th June 2020
  #6601
Gear Nut
 
Alex Banks's Avatar
 
🎧 5 years
Singer in the live room facing me through the window in the control room. You know the set up...

She has a 4 channel headphone amp with 4 rotary controllers for volume, all in a flat line.

Her: It's too quiet?
Me: You can turn it up with the knob on the right
Her: *rotates the left knob*
Me: Sorry, I meant the knob on YOUR right
Her: *turns left knob again*
Her: It's not working?
Me: Sorry, my mistake, you need to turn the knob on YOUR right.
Her: I'm doing that, it's not working.
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't explain it right. Turn the knob on YOUR right
Her: I don't understand...
Me: Where you're standing now. You want to turn the knob that's nearest to your right arm. The one to the right side of the box in front of you.
Her: *turns left hand knob again*
Me: *leaves control room, goes into live room, turns knob on right hand side*
Me: Is that better?
Her: Oh, I thought you meant YOUR right
Me: .....
Old 9th July 2020
  #6602
Here for the gear
 
🎧 5 years
During a mixing session, a client of mine suggested:

"hey, man, could we do a lay-out in this song?"

Me: what you mean?

Him: "you know, when the volume is being reduced until its end."

Me: oh man, OK, that's called 'fade-out'.

Him: "oh, sorry! I'm so gentle in this subject!" (whatever he meant)
Old 9th July 2020 | Show parent
  #6603
Lives for gear
 
norfolk martin's Avatar
 
🎧 5 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Banks ➡️
Singer in the live room facing me through the window in the control room. You know the set up...

She has a 4 channel headphone amp with 4 rotary controllers for volume, all in a flat line.

Her: It's too quiet?
Me: You can turn it up with the knob on the right
Her: *rotates the left knob*
Me: Sorry, I meant the knob on YOUR right
Her: *turns left knob again*
Her: It's not working?
Me: Sorry, my mistake, you need to turn the knob on YOUR right.
Her: I'm doing that, it's not working.
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't explain it right. Turn the knob on YOUR right
Her: I don't understand...
Me: Where you're standing now. You want to turn the knob that's nearest to your right arm. The one to the right side of the box in front of you.
Her: *turns left hand knob again*
Me: *leaves control room, goes into live room, turns knob on right hand side*
Me: Is that better?
Her: Oh, I thought you meant YOUR right
Me: .....
Worse in the UK where people then to end a statement with "right?"

You want me to go left, right?
Old 9th July 2020
  #6604
Lives for gear
 
DomiBabi's Avatar
Rapper brought his DJ to the studio so he could record scratching portions of the stems.

DJ imports the audio file into his DJ rig, we hook his rig up to pro tools, and begin tracking some cool vocals scratches of the ad libs.

The artist requests he scratch the part differently. The scratch was kind of basic, and off-time every single time.

DJ: I can’t do that type of scratching.

Artist: why not?

DJ: the auto-scratching plugin can’t do anything like that.

Apparently, the DJ was just triggering some automatic scratching plugin from his DAW.

Guy had no idea how to scratch or DJ. It became obvious when he couldn’t pitch down and match because the wav file wasn’t “prepped” to a grid and tempo. Ultimately, the artist payed me to bring in my NS7 and record the part with serato for them.

Funniest thing is that the artist was an Indy backpack rapper; lyrics were all about “real hip hop”, References to Kane, Zulu, “the culture”, etc...a total ruse.

I thought it was funny.
Old 20th January 2021
  #6605
Here for the gear
 
Hey, let´s change the well known bandname to band.
Old 25th March 2021 | Show parent
  #6606
Lives for gear
 
Ari-M.'s Avatar
 
🎧 15 years
"Yer gonna make me sound good right??!!"
Old 26th March 2021
  #6607
Lives for gear
 
DomiBabi's Avatar
I just got a new computer for the studio and am still in the process of working out the kinks. I have everything necessary to record, but am waiting on my (second) B80 chassis to come in from Burl.

Anyway, one of the students (we are partnered with a local college) was extremely excited when I mentioned we had the Burl coming in for the “D” room.

Student and I have a Zoom meeting to discuss a project. I’m on my iPad, which should have been obvious since I’m holding it up and walking around the facility as we talked.

At the end of the discussion, it goes like this:

Me: I’ll see you tomorrow (about to hang up)

Student: Before we go, I just want to say you sound great!

Me: Thanks? (I’m confused) How so?

Student: It’s the Burl man; I DEFINITELY hear a difference. How do you like it?

Me: um... I’m on an IPad.

Student: (not getting it) How did you do that?

Me: the Burl chassis isn’t here yet. I only have the cards... this is a normal Zoom call. I’m glad you think I sound great though (awkward laughter)

Student: you need to teach me how you did that! I swear you sound better than usual!

Me: (I’m thinking to myself now -wtf- does this kid just stream of consciousness all his social interactions?)

Me: Thanks. I’m glad I don’t sound like crap as usual.

Student: Man! I need that Burl.

Me: (in my best movie trailer voice) In a world... where the Burl hasn’t arrived, one unlikely student will never get an internship ever...

Student: that was awesome! See you tomorrow!

End (I hung up).
Old 26th March 2021
  #6608
Gear Nut
I was a recording engineer, working a medium-recognizably popular podcast, recorded multi-track in front of an audience, at a union venue.

Me: I see the one "crowd mic" on stage left, though the rider says two. Can we get a second mic on stage right?

FOH: What? Why would anyone ever need two crowd mics?

Me: I believe their engineer mixes and exports this one in stereo.

FOH: It won't be stereo, though.

Me: ??

FOH: If we put up another microphone, it won't be stereo. They'll both be mono.

Me: Oh.
Old 26th March 2021
  #6609
Lives for gear
 
zinzin's Avatar
band: „we‘ll record live, without a click. we are well rehearsed.“

you can bet your ass that it will sound like s**t and the band afterwards demands heavy editing to make it listenable ... i know i know: not funny.

... but stupid!
Old 1st April 2021
  #6610
Lives for gear
 
DomiBabi's Avatar
“Those old Tannoy speakers suck”

... says the kid wearing Beats headphones staring at the soffit-mounted mains trying to play me an MP3 his friend mixed.
Old 4th April 2021 | Show parent
  #6611
Lives for gear
 
zinzin's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by crosscutred ➡️
Until the band that can really play live comes along and doesn't book with you because of your sniffy attitude...... you know, the band of actually talented people who could have changed your reputation overnight.
i knew the band, have heard them live. but i gave them a chance to try it, so they could hear the result and decide for themselves.
so, no sniffy attitude. sorry. and they decided it was good enough for them but for me it was heavy editing work because in the end they HEARD the timing errors come mixing time ... and thats not funny.
Old 4th April 2021
  #6612
Lives for gear
 
5 Reviews written
🎧 10 years
....its a thread to laugh and joke.....
Old 4th April 2021 | Show parent
  #6613
Lives for gear
 
crosscutred's Avatar
 
🎧 10 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martel80 ➡️
....its a thread to laugh and joke.....
Sorry, I'll delete.
Old 7th April 2021
  #6614
Gear Addict
 
bicarbone's Avatar
 
🎧 5 years
Just happened earlier today. We are in the middle of a take, overdubbing vocals and percussion at the same time. Bass player is making little videos on his phone to post on social media, whatnot. His face is looking like Roger Water's, no kidding, and he plays a P-bass too.

In the middle of the overdub, sound stops abruptly: PjeeeuuwPHFFFpttt. Everything goes dark in the control room. Bass player has just disconnected the mains power plug to charge his phone.
Old 7th April 2021 | Show parent
  #6615
Lives for gear
 
andersmv's Avatar
 
🎧 10 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by bicarbone ➡️
Just happened earlier today. We are in the middle of a take, overdubbing vocals and percussion at the same time. Bass player is making little videos on his phone to post on social media, whatnot. His face is looking like Roger Water's, no kidding, and he plays a P-bass too.

In the middle of the overdub, sound stops abruptly: PjeeeuuwPHFFFpttt. Everything goes dark in the control room. Bass player has just disconnected the mains power plug to charge his phone.
Dude, hide that stuff from the kids! That sucks. When I got my EquiTech power conditioner, I was recording a take and a friend had his 5 year old hanging with us. The kid walks right up to the rack gear and turns off the EquiTech and walks out like nothing happened. EVERYTHING, including the live room electronics is hooked up to that thing because power is so bad out here. I hear my friend yelling from the live room “what happened??”. I don’t know, ask your weird freaking child dude. lol
Old 1st May 2021
  #6616
Gear Guru
 
monkeyxx's Avatar
 
18 Reviews written
🎧 10 years
Not sure if this is stupid, funny, or passive aggressive, but it's definitely stupid: maybe a little funny.

THEM: "Nice photo of Phil Selway!"

ME: "Phil Selway plays vintage Round Badge Gretsch drums, I would dream of having that set in the picture."

THEM: "Yeah, but he needs those, he's recording."

ME: "I'm recording too, what do you think I do?"

THEM: "Ohhhhhhhhh k."

Changes conversation.
Old 6th May 2021 | Show parent
  #6617
Lives for gear
 
vincentvangogo's Avatar
 
🎧 10 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex Banks ➡️
Singer in the live room facing me through the window in the control room. You know the set up...

She has a 4 channel headphone amp with 4 rotary controllers for volume, all in a flat line.

Her: It's too quiet?
Me: You can turn it up with the knob on the right
Her: *rotates the left knob*
Me: Sorry, I meant the knob on YOUR right
Her: *turns left knob again*
Her: It's not working?
Me: Sorry, my mistake, you need to turn the knob on YOUR right.
Her: I'm doing that, it's not working.
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't explain it right. Turn the knob on YOUR right.....
Should have said 'your other right.'
Old 6th May 2021 | Show parent
  #6618
Lives for gear
 
norfolk martin's Avatar
 
🎧 5 years
This one’s on me. My demo studio was in a rented building, and the landlord didn’t much like the idea of me putting a window between the “control room” and the recording area. As a result, communication would be a bit tricky, and I’d end up on the talkback to an empty room because the band has gone outside to have a smoke.

I installed a video camera with a wide lens in one top corner of the room and hooked it to a tv monitor in the control room, which helped matters considerably. We eventually hooked a VHS tape machine to it as well, so the band could have a memento of the recordings.

One day while playing back tape for a band to look at, I saw a figure enter the recording room right underneath the camera. One of the lights caught a growing bald spot on top of the person’s head, and made the camera flare. We all laughed. “Who’s that old bald ******” said I .

Then I realized it was me.
Old 6th May 2021 | Show parent
  #6619
Lives for gear
 
5 Reviews written
🎧 10 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by norfolk martin ➡️

One day while playing back tape for a band to look at, I saw a figure enter the recording room right underneath the camera. One of the lights caught a growing bald spot on top of the person’s head, and made the camera flare. We all laughed. “Who’s that old bald ******” said I .

Then I realized it was me.
I know exactly how that feel.

I was 27 the first time I started realizing I was going bald and I was at the barber shop with my sister. She replied, '' well, its been a few years now''.

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